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ugh

January 24, 2004

scb called me couple hrs ago to tell me he didnt get into stanford law either. i listened to him rant a bit, then gave him some tough love. not sure if thats what he needed or not, but thats what he got. first off, I feel bad for him, but I dont feel sorry for him. He has everything the world going for him, so what if he didnt get into these 3 schools. Secondly, he’s preaching to the choir. You want to talk to someone about things not going as planned, come visit my world. Or for that matter, anybodys world. Thats life dude. Accept it and make the most of it. What else you gonna do?

sigh. he said he was more upset than he was on wed though, b/c law school was his last chance for stanford, and he was sure he got in.

convo lasted long time, with lots of long, awkward silences. Interesting: I was the first person he called.

there were points, too, when i thought he was going to cry. or when he was kinda choked up. especially the part where he said, “i wanted to stay here but now I dont know what to do.” which made me feel all hot and panicky, b/c that statement had to do w/us. And I dont like thinking that at any moment, he could just pick up and leave.

whole “living in the moment” is in many ways, so bunk. how the hell am i supposed to do that when everything is so uncertain. Annoying. Hate being put in this position time and time again. But then, what other choice do I have? I can spend time w/him or not spend time with him. But then how do i spend time w/him w/out feeling like Im chopped liver? Or soon to be chopped liver?

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