will be our 1/2 anniversary. 6 months–seems so long, and then so short. its been, thus far, one helluva ride.

we’re going to get up early. i think ill make or pick up breakfast somewhere, or maybe ill just pack a picnic breakfast and we can sit on the beach and watch the sun rise.

then we’ll drive up north, stopping at various points along the way. I want to revisit point bonita lighthouse, since it was closed when we went before. Then im thinking we’ll stop at jack london park in sonoma, and then continue along the pch towards mendocino. Im not exactly sure what we’ll do. scb suggested going to a spa, and while that sounds awesome, I kind of like the idea of not having a schedule so that we can do what we want.

we have reservations at Masa’s for a late dinner. scb said that theres no point in going there and not getting the 9 course tasting menu or the specialKaiseki 9 course. scb suggested that we focus not on getting each other gifts, but on having the best day ever. I know Ill have a great time, but I cant stop thinking that this is our swan song–a deal closer–the calm before the storm–our last goodbye.

when scb first told me the news, he asked me what I wanted to do from now until then. Still reeling,and unable to process the information, I said that I wanted to end it now instead of prolonging the pain. When I said this, scb turned away and I noticed his shoulders shuddering. Through gulped breaths mixed w/tears, he said, “I thought you would say that…but I can’t imagine san francisco without you.” Completely crestfallen, I responded, “but you can imagine nyc w/out me?” After about 5 minutes he composed himself and shook his head, “no, i can’t.”

I mention this story b/c I keep thinking about how terribly bittersweet it is to have these moments w/scb. It’s hard to laugh w/out thinking that there will be a time when we might not laugh together. It’s hard to hold hands when I know that it might be the last time. I can’t imagine sf without him either. nor do i want to. I dont want to think about a time when we wont be together in the way we are now.

after dinner–who knows. I just know I wont want the night to end. time seems to be moving so fast now that its slipping away from us at such a rapid pace. tomorrow hasnt even happened, and yet I want to hold onto it so tightly.

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