I’m going to put the weekend in Chicago on hold for the time being, since there have been several write-ups that I can use as reference points. For now, I need to recount the crazy wedding I went to – while the memories are still fresh in my mind.
The Background
I met D&G (the bride and groom) while working at a software co. in Austin. We had all just started working there at the same time, and we were pretty much the only young people in the office. D approached me on my first day and said that she was new too and that G had started just before her. We became better and better friends, and were always in each others cubes getting or giving advice. Eventually, we started going out dancing together, since D and I realized that we had that in common. We also realized that we had a love for miniatures and that she had a Georgie-esque animal too – a little polar bear named Pogo who she dressed up in clothes. (For those who dont know who georgie is – hes my “kid” – a toddler sized curious george that I dress up. Just go with it). We also joined a running group together, and would meet every morning to run and on weekends with our group. When I moved out here, we remained in contact, bonding over the times when D&G came to visit. Next thing you know, I’m a bridesmaid.
The Bridal Party
GROOMSMEN:
Dave Coulet (that guy from full house)- the best man. Single. D&G had a bet between them. G said that Dave would get bored w/me first bc he is very picky about girls. D said I would get bored w/him first bc thats what I do. Prior to the wedding, I had seen pix of him, and I mean he looks like Dave Coulet, but hes not my type. I know thats an incredibly shallow thing to say based on a picture, but at this point in my life, thats how I am, and I won’t apologize for it. Anyway, hes pretty tall, really sarcastic. He has this way of talking that is really almost patronizing in the sense that you can never really tell if he is being real with you or not. At least that was my impression.
Ashley Angel Parker Hair (AAPH)- This guy was pretty short, but I thought was pretty cute. Its prob b/c Im a sucker for shaggy hair. Hes like 34 but living this 20 year olds life – traveling the world on a cruise ship and teaching snowboarding to kids. As much as I want to say that this kind of lifestyle is lame for someone in his 30s, I must admit that it sounds awesome. And I bet he’s so happy doing it. At any rate, hes a bit of the free spirit type, but a very nice guy. Like a very outwardly warm person.
O – P’s brother. Not much to say about him except I really liked him too. I feel bad bc I was forcing him to drink and hang out with us after the wedding, much to his gf’s chagrin. Not that she was jealous, but they had a super early flight the day after the wedding. I was a bad influence. But we had fun together, and I’m glad he stuck around.
Dad – This is obviously not his real name, but everyone kept calling this guy Dad. I guess he did look older. He was very nice, and I don’t have any real stories about him except that he was the person who I was paired with to walk down the aisle.
Ken Doll – (he was an usher, not a groomsman) This is the guy I mentioned previously in the bachelorette party entry. He and LM had previously dated, and during Vegas, she mentioned his name no more than 9 million times. Then she said that she would hook me up with him. After Vegas, she showed me his pix and I mean, he looks like a ken doll except less gay. Blonde hair, blue eye. Early 30s. Kind of conservative looking. Again, I have heard sooo much about this guy, and a lot of it was not favorable. Like how he likes blondes. And how he thinks that girls in their 30s can never have a body like a girl in their 20s. And so on and so forth. A little bg on him: he’s divorced. I don’t know the full story, but I think its something like his wife went to grad school and met another guy and then broke it off with him. She apparently looks like a total barbie, so they were, at one time, the perfect couple. D&G knew them as a couple and said that Ken didn’t pay attention to her until it was too late. Again, I don’t really know the story. Given all this info, however, I was expecting God himself to walk through the door. I mean he better live up to the hype.
THE BRIDESMAIDS
JMR – Maid of honor. Married with kids. Really nice lady. She’s the one who didn’t come to vegas with us. When I met her, I could see why. I don’t mean that as a mean comment, but yeah, shes kind of not in that place in her life right now what w/the husband and kids and whatnot. But shes still a cool lady.
P – my SF buddy and mastermind behind getting me a lap dance at the strip club in vegas. Fucking bitch. She has a bf, but still likes to drink and dance. It was good to have someone from SF who was doing the whole wedding thing. I dont know what I would have done w/out her.
LM – the infamous and boy crazy LM. Heh. Gotta love a girl who can party. And this one really almost puts me to shame. As mentioned, she and Ken were briefly dating. She told us that she and Ken had kissed 3 weeks prior. A case of too many margaritas. Mmm hmmm….
Me – obviously single.
BEFORE THE WEDDING
I had to fly into Houston on Thursday. Get my parents car. And then drive 3 hrs to Austin. Kind of sucked, but the flights to Texas were so damn expensive, and this was the *best* option at the time. It was ok though. I didn’t mind the drive only bc I love driving in Texas and it was wildflower season, so the bluebonnets were in full force.
My bro and I met up on campus where I bored him to tears shopping for UT stuff. We had a huge late lunch at Texadelphia, and then I bought some cool earrings from a guy on the drag. Afterwards, my brother dropped me off at the 6-pack where I changed into clothes more fitting for a rehearsal dinner. Thank god bc I had thought of wearing the jeans and tshirt I had on earlier that day…yeah that would have been a mistake. I wore my magic dress #2 – a diane von furstenburg wrap dress that I payed a fucking mint for at Niemans. It packs well though, so that’s what I wore.
I met everyone at the church and was relieved to see P and LM already there since that pretty much is the extent of the people I knew. I was introduced to the groomsman, and I know this is really weird to say, but I was actually impressed that every one of them had a damn firm handshake. It was a little awkward though, knowing of “the bet” and bc of all the talk leading up to the wedding about who was single and who wasnt. Of all the groomsman, it was AAPH who I remember thinking was going to pursue me. The others seemed uninterested.
Rehearsal went as rehearsals do. I didn’t really talk to anyone besides P and LM. AAPH did make a very concerted effort to sit down next to me and start talking, which I found interesting. Interesting in the sense that you could see it coming and it was fun to watch. But maybe it was just his style and him getting to know the people he had yet to meet.
Our party moved to Capitol Brasserie – a french restaurant in the old Mezzaluna down in the warehouse district. I somehow ended up with the last available seat – and that was next to LM and Ken and across from P and her boy. In other words, I was kind of isolated from really interacting with anyone else all during dinner. I was ok with it. I mean it was fun. Ken and LM talked to each other most of the time, and I talked to P and boy. I think Ken and I maybe had a very boring convo about what I did in SF that ended with him saying that I should move back to Austin. But that was it. After the formal dinner was served, everyone became a little loose and started socializing with different people from different tables.
At this point, I kind of felt like I was on an interview. Or like a season of the bachelorette. It ended up that P and boy had to share a seat. I was sitting next to them. And the seat where I was sitting at was empty. So all the guys kept taking turns sitting in the seat talking to me.
First up was Dave. He cut right to the chase and asked me what i was about what i was interested in blah blah. I asked him if I was on an interview. He said he was trying to get to know me. I said that that’s not the way you do it. I guess it just seemed like he was trying too hard to be serious, when its not really in his persona to do so. Anyway, he gave up and then started “carpet bombing” as P says. In other words, he was hitting on pretty much any girl in a 5 foot radius. Which I guess, in print, sounds sleazy, but it really wasn’t. Apparently he/the boys had been reading the book THE GAME and were trying out the lines from the book. So stupid but kind of amusing.
Next up – AAPH. We talked about the book THE GAME and then went into what works and what doesnt work with women. The game did propose some interesting concepts, but I argued that it was overcomplicating things. Meeting people is as simple as it gets. If the girl likes you then you don’t have to say much. If you are a confident guy who can approach a girl instead of being a fucking pussy like the guys in SF, then you already won half the battle.
After dinner, we met up for drinks at a place called Cuba Libre – a place my brother called a “graduate bar.” The crowd in there was definitely a bit older, but not like I was looking or anything.
I did catch the eye of a bartender. A very hot bartender with shaggy hair and dark eyes. Sigh. I eye fucked him pretty much all night, until LM, in her inebriated state, went up to him and said I thought he was cute. GOD. The bartender came out and walked by our seating area, slowing down to check me out. EMBARRASSING. I couldnt look at him bc LM was like, “oh wait, is that the right guy.” I was mortified. She went and told some random bartender I thought he was cute…then didnt even get the right one? GOOOODDD!!! It did turn out to be the right one. And he came back again to check me out. But that was pretty much the extent of it. At that point, my game was pretty much ruined. LM talked to him like a gazillion more times to try and get him to come talk to me. Her final attempt she went up to him and he said, “I know, I know, I keep blowing off your hot friend but I’m working.” Something like that. And as much as I wanted to talk to him, I didn’t want to break my cardinal rule – and that is to never ever chase a guy. Ive done it in the past, I just wont do it again. He comes to me, or the deal is off.
I also ended up talking to 2 other people who were there for the wedding that I didnt plan on becoming BFF with. One was a girl who is in a relationship w/another girl. She told me that I was borderline man hater – or that I could be perceived as a man hater. So we had this long discussion about men and relationships and what its like to have this off-putting persona when really you arent like that at all. She is apparently that way too. So we bonded.
Another was a guy who is married w/a kid. I didnt know it at the time, not that it mattered. When I was sitting alone drinking my mojito, he came over to talk to me. First thing he said was, “why don’t you just go home” which I found almost rude, but also really blunt. We hit it off right away and just had great conversation and also become BFF.
But now for the juicy part of the night.
AAPH and LM made out. I’m not sure how the hell it happened or why or when, but it did. One moment they are flirty. Next moment they are pecking. Then full-on make out. On the other side of the room – Ken and Dave were flirting or being accosted by a mother/daughter tag team. Gross dude. They both seemed really into Ken which was weird. Ken actually didnt look the least bit interested. LM admitted later to me that watching it made her a little jealous, so maybe thats why she kissed AAPH. I have no idea…
But then Dave came and sat down next to me and we started chit chatting. Again, I just never know with him. Having watched him hit on all the girls in the bar using lines from THE GAME I couldnt tell if him hitting on me was sincere or him being ironic. But our conversation was more or less like this:
Dave: Do you want to hear about remote controlled airplanes?
Me: Not really
D: How about star trek
M: no
D: So i want to get to know you. Obviously you are very attractive, and you must have a lot of guys hit on you
M: I guess
D: so what does it take then? what are you looking for. what makes you tick?
M: a lot of things
D: Ok so just one thing
M: I like guys whe are 21. How old are you?
D: 34. I like girls who are 21 too. Maybe we can hang out in SF and find girls and guys for each other
M: Dont you live in Hawaii?
D: yeah, but SF is close
M: It is?
D: so besides 21, what else
M: (I didnt know how to explain to him my situation. First, I couldnt tell how seriously he was hitting on me, and secondly, I wanted to tell him that I just am not looking to be in a relationship and he is relationship material. but i didnt want to say that bc I didnt want to be presumtuous) Well, I like guys who are fun
D: Well, Im fun
M: Yeah, you seem to have fun hitting on all the ladies
D: Im just joking around
M: You did a good job picking the mother/daughter team. Top quality.
D: (changing subject) You seem very reserved at dinner tonight. But now that I’m talking to you, you I’m not sure
M: so you already judged me without knowing me?
D: well, yes, I admit I did, and I still don’t know you. You just have this presence about you.
M: what does that mean
D: well, its just what I had heard – you have a very unique presence when you walk into a room. I think its really cool. On the one hand you have this presence like you are very unattainable, but I think its cool. I had heard that you were very sarcastic, very attractive, and very hard-to-get.
M: yeah, well I guess I am unattainable in a way. Im not going to lie about that.
D: so then what is something that a guy could to. Give me a clue.
M: well, I like it when guys are persistant
D: Thats it?
M: yeah, I like giving people a hard time. And I like it when a guy works for it.
D: Is there every a point when you let up?
M: of course
(we talked some more but I dont really remmeber about what)
D: so do you think we can date sometime
M: no.
D: no?
M: come on. you live in Hawaii. I live in SF. That alone is reason enough not to. I don’t know you well enough to “date you”
D: How about you come to Hawaii
M: How is that any different?
D: You know what I have been wanting to do? Quit my job and travel the world for a year. How about we quit our jobs and travel for a year.
M: Um, sounds nice if you have the money.
D: How much money do you think it would take
M: Like 50K? I don’t know.
D: Are you a high maintainence girl?
M: Is that what you think of me?
D: yeah kind of
M: well, there you go, judging me again when you dont even know me. Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?
D: I was thinking of staying in hostels and stuff, not 5 star hotels. 50K just seems like youre staying at the Hilton every night.
M: I dont think its that much for 2 people for a year.
(conversation shifts again – keep in mind that this is all said tongue-in-cheek to some extent. Like what he is saying at times is so outrageous and sarcastic that Im just playing along to give him a hard time)
D: So you like 21 year olds
M: Im just not at the point in my life where I want to settle down
D: When would you want to settle down
M: I dunno, maybe in 5 years
D: Ok so in 5 years we can date then?
M: wont you be really old by then and already married
D: I can wait. Want to get married?
M: No.
D: how about coffee then?
M: No.
Like I said, it was funny, even if the transcription makes him seem lame.
At the end of the night, when everyone was drunk, it was revealed to me that a bet was made in vegas about who would/could bang me first. Funny. Im not sure if there was any truth to that statement, but I foudn it humorous. As my girls told me later on, its better that the bet was made to bang you than vice versa.
The night ended w/Ken driving everyone to their cars and then taking LM home. It was actually a lot more complicated bc my stuff was in LMs car, but I had to meet up w/my brother, but LM couldnt drive…yeah…complicated. The whole night, though, LM had been saying, “its ok Ken will take care of us – he’ll take us home.” And he was actually very good about that, which was kind of impressive – even though it was late and we were annoying and there was a lot of waiting around and dealing with drunk people on his part.
The best though was when AAMH and Dave were dropped off at the hotel – and AAMH and LM had a long goodbye kiss in the back of Kens SUV. Ken was watching and said, “okay guys, let’s wrap this up.” Which they did. Funny.
THE WEDDING
Wedding went off beautifully. It was very intimate and heartfelt and if I werent so deadset on eloping, its how I would want my wedding to be. Everyone really seemed to be there for the bride and groom out of love and it was so amazing to be a part of it all.
LM picked me up day of wedding and we went to get our hair done. she was having a difficult morning bc of the night before. I have no idea how the hell she got up and went running. But she did, and was running late. We made it to the salon and thankfully, they still kept our appointments and thankfully, they did a quick but great job w/our hair. Best money Ive ever spent, even if she burned my fucking ear. Hairstyle = curled and gathered in the back in a loose, puffy bun. Wasnt really a bun, it was messy and romatic and it looked really good. At least I liked it. And it was out of my face, which is a good thing.
We all met at the hotel and put on makeup. Then we went to the church via limo, where we hurredly finished up the programs and then took pictures w/the bride.
And then – the wedding. God when we walked out there, all done up, to meet w/the groomsman, ushers, etc, I thought the guys were going to faint. They were just staring at us so hard w/these huge grins. I was kind of embarrassed bc I always feel awkward when people of any sort stare at me–or say stuff like, “you girls looks so beautiful.” BURN. I was also really self-conscious about everything bc I was the first one to walk out, and my hands were all moist from putting too much lotion on like 2 seconds before. But you know, guys all dressed up – not a bad thing either. So doubley awkward.
so I walked out. and at first i was trying to be serious, but then i started smirking, and then full-on laughing. i did ok though, although I was laughing at the other bridesmaids coming down the aisle, esp LM who was paired with AAPH. Me and P were laughing extra hard at them. And then out came D, who was crying and I kind of got a little welled-up. I was trying to just stay focused and stay on my feet and not look at the boys standing across from us bc I knew I would start laughing. I still laughed, but at least it wasnt at really inappropriate and touching moments. When I walked back down the aisle, at the end of the ceremony, everyone was standing and taking pictures (so many flash bulbs went off in my eyes) and whispering comments on the side…it was a bit unnerving. Especially when i heard someone whisper “stunning. absolutely stunning.” Pretty sure he was talking about my escort.heh.
After the ceremony, more pictures. We were in front of the church waiting for the limo and a college girl walked by. So funny to watch the boys bc their heads swiveled as if on a pivot. Dave called out to her and asked her if she wanted to go to the wedding. I think she was more confused than anything. P and I yelled at her to run, with P adding, “do you know these guys are twice your age?” Heh.
The first group went in the limo, leaving me, P, O, Dad, and Ken. Ken had brought a cooler filled w/rum, coke, ice, and cups. Awesome. We rolled through campus in a limo, drinking rum and cokes. Ken made the drinks, and after tasting mine, I said, “this is quite possibly the strongest drink I have ever had in my entire life.” I think those were the first words I spoke to him on my own up to that point. He took my drink and made me another one.
THE RECEPTION
Reception started off slow, but then heated up fast. I’ll skip through dinner bc it was kind of awkward for me. I was sitting next to JMR and her husband and then next to AAMH and LM. So once again, in the middle of people who had been coupled off. Dave was sitting across from me, so we didn’t have much chance to talk. We did talk every now and then though. Or I should say, he would instigate convo every now and then. But mostly I sat and ate like a proper glutton.
When P and I talked about Dave in earlier convos, she told me that after the Best Man’s speech I would fall in love with him. His speech was good. And I did laugh. And it was interesting to see him being “serious.” After the speech he came up to me and asked me what I thought. I admitted to him that I actually chuckled a few times. P said, “Man, hes really trying here.” I disregarded everything he said though bc he would talk to me one moment, then go talk to some girl the next moment.
I dont know who or what was going on, but they kept trying to get me and Dave to dance. Which was so awkward. I dont think Dave is a big dancer. I mean he could hold his own, but he wasnt on the dance floor all that much in general. There was one point when the DJ made us all do some gay group hug thing and Dave held my hand. I looked at him and said, “he didnt say hold hands” then ripped my hand away from his.
They also had this thing called dollar dance where you pay at least a buck to dance w/the bride or groom. I didnt bring anything with me – no purse, no lipstick, nothing, so I had to borrow money from P’s boy. 1 buck. Dave was the one regulating the line of girls to dance with the groom. When it was my turn, I said, “I had to borrow this dollar. I know its really lame, but I didn’t bring anything with me.” So Dave reached into his wallet and pulled out 20 bucks and said,”here, take this.” I don’t know why but I thought that was really very sweet, and after giving him such a hard time, it kind of softened me…just a little.
Then came time to cut the cake. Champagne was flowing and I was starting to really drink. Sometime during the night LM and AAPH slipped away. As did P and her boy. They both came back, but who knows where or what they were doing. wink wink.
It was also during this time that Ken and I ended up standing in the line to get cake. Actually we were watching D&G cut and eat the cake and Ken and I looked at each other and he said, “I better get some of that cake.” And I said, “If I don’t get a slice of cake, I will be so pissed off bc I have been wanting it all day.” I think P was in front of us, and she turned around and said something about me being single. Ken said, “YOU are single?” (how did he not know this?) “Damn, how is someone as beautiful as you still single.” “by choice.” I said. Having not talked to him really at all until this point, I thought the booze was talking. He was also – I dunno how to describe it – not really touchy feely like he wanted a piece of ass, but more touchy feely like, putting his arm on my shoulder when someone walked by to escort me out of the way. That happened a lot bc I apparently always stand in the one place in the room where people have to walk through. Finally, I just ended up standing back by him until all the cake madness subsided. We agreed to come back later when the crowd died down to get our cake.
And this is when I started downing drinks. First champagne. Then shots. Then mixed drinks. Then more shots. I was really convinced that I was going to get everyone in that ballroom to do shots with me, even the DJ. My night was divided either drinking shots w/the boys at the bar or dancing like crazy with D on the dance floor. At one point, I was showing P my porn face(s) and the fucking DJ yelled out (on the mic) “DX, you are NOT that innocent.” I yelled at him, “I am too!” Dave was there so he was like, “I believe the DJ.”
At the bar, for another round of shots, the DJ called out to me again. “DX get back here! Your presence is requested.” So I downed my shot and ran back to dance.
Bc there were so few people left, I was more or less BFF with everyone on the dance floor. Which is how I get whne I drink anyway. God I was hugging everyone and then asking poeple if they wanted to do body shots with me. I think I specifically asked Ken to do a body shot and he seemed caught off guard. I wasn’t singling him out though. Im pretty sure I asked all the guys.
Ken and I did get that cake. Actually I asked him to get me the cake and he did. We sat at a table and ate it, but didnt talk. Awkward. More drinks.
Most impressive was how Ken was dancing like crazy too – even though hes a white boy. Heh. I dont remember how he danced. I do remember him, me and LM dancing together though. And then somehow, me and Ken started slow dancing to fast music, and I remember thinking, this is kind of weirdly intimate. But I was drunk. He was drunk. We were dancing really close. And it was fun. I broke it off though and pulled LM towards him and they started dancing. Then the DJ came down and started dancing with us. And then more shots.
In one of my trips to the bar, P approached me and said, “so, what do you think of Ken?” I’m not sure why she asked me this at this given time, but I said, “you know, when I first met Ken, I was really unimpressed. Like really really unimpressed. I wanted to hate him. But the more Im getting to know him, the more Im starting to understand what LM sees in him – the essence of Ken.”
Back to dancing and drinking. Dave came up to me and told me that I had this aura about me. I just started laughing bc I thought he was BSing me again. He was serious for about 2 seconds and said, “no Im being very serious. You have this glowing aura right now and everyone can see it.” I wrote it off as drunk talk. We talked a little more that night – mainly he told me that he didnt think that I would break out of my shell bc the night before I had been so reserved, and that it was good to see another side of me. Yeah, alcohol does do that to people. But mainly, I am very reserved when I first meet people. Takes me a while to warm up to them and assess personalities. But when Im drunk, god I want to hug everyone like they are by best friend on the planet. I even hugged the fucking DJ who told me that I really brought it that night.
We closed the place down. The lights went up. We scrambled for the last remaining alcohol. Then we went to the hotel bar where A – the guy I clicked with the night before – bought a crapload of alcohol and wine to bring back to the room. What a thoughtful fucker. Ken forced me to do a jaegerbomb with like a fucking quadruple shot. How I was still standing after that, I will never know.
THE AFTER PARTY
But we did make it back to D&Gs suite, where we continued the partying. Since the hotel was in a pretty populated area of Austin, there was a pretty good energy on the streets below. I kept yelling out the window to the pedestrians. Mainly it was just “HEY YOU FUCKERS!” but still, so funny.
We turned of some music. I changed into jeans and tank top. And then we drank like there was no tomorrow. P pussed out at this point and was passed out in her room. I told her brother, O, that he better not be a pussy. So he came to the party, despite his gf asking him not to (they had an early flight). I kept feeding him alcohol like an asshole.
It was fun though. Never had so much fun in a hotel room with that many people. I was pouring wine in Dave’s mouth and it accidentally spilled all over his face and tux. God it was super funny, but Im not sure he was amused. He handled it really well though. I probably would have been super pissed. It wasnt the first or last time wine was spilled in that room though. God the room was a fucking mess by the time we were through with it.
Sometime during the night, half of the guys decided to go get some food. So they left. Leaving me, LM, Ken, D&G, and O and his gf in the room. P’s boy rallied and came back down to party for a bit. We danced and dranked and said “fucker” a whole lot. But we were all being silly and dancing w/each other and whatever.
Which brings me to the group kiss. It sounds a lot more fun than it actually was, but basically, me, LM and Ken decided to group kiss. No idea who’s idea it was. Probably mine. We all leaned in but I dont think anyones lips touched. LM said, “god you are the luckiest guy in the world right now.” And I said, “too bad that was lame. But ya, still lucky.”
D was getting tired and was getting under the covers of her bed and going to sleep. I kept pulling her out of bed, giving her more alcohol (I really think that fucking jaegerbomb was what gave me so much damn energy) and forcing her to dance w/all of us. it was too much though. She went back to bed and I joined her on the bed and then was joined by Ken.
I found some chocolates on the pillow and fed one to D. I asked Ken if he wanted a piece and he said yes. So I unwrapped it and put it in my mouth. Heh. But only halfway. I know what happened next opened the door for what happened the rest of the night, but honestly, in my drunken state, I did not see this as being flirtatious at all. So I said to Ken, “here come get the chocolate.” So he came to my mouth but ended up biting the chocolate AND my lip. We didnt kiss though. No kissing. Just biting. Just him.
Me and D ended up having a drunken convo with Ken about LM. We asked him what was going on and he said they were just friends. And then we said that he needs to leave her alone and cut the strings bc making out w/her 3 weeks ago sends the wrong message no matter what he says. He kind of sat there and took it all in. Didnt seem pissed or anything, just was listening to us. Then I got up and ran away and started dancing again.
D later told me that while D and him were still on the bed, that he had asked D something like, “what can I do to make her interested in me?” D said, “Honestly, nothing. She is so far out of your league you should just give up now.” Heh.
I’m sure that made him want to try even harder. Because at one point, we were sitting on the couch, and he came up and put his arm around me. Again, in hindsight (when sober) its obvious, but I really and truly did not think twice about it. I thought he was just resting his arm.
Room service came (when did they order that food) and in came a cart of hamburgers and some kind of salad? Of course I dug into the hamburgers, expressing very loudly (and like an herbal essence commercial) how great they were. “God, these hamburgers are sooooooooooooo good.” I handed D half a burger and then offered Ken a bite of mine. “Have some, they are better than sex.” Then Im sure I ate the burgers like a porno model.
Finally, the boys came back with hot dogs. They also came back with 3 college-aged girls. LM was NOT happy by any means. I thought it was fucking hilarious. Men are so predictable. God. They were so fucking pleased with themselves. Had they talked to them they would have known that 2 out of 3 had long term boyfriends. The only reason they came up was bc it was one of the girls bdays. And she had been out w/her friends, but got in a fight w/her bf who had made her cry. she said that the only reason she came up was bc they had made her laugh. And since it was her bday, her friends were obligated to join. So funny watchign these guys w/no game hit on these girls. It wasnt a full-court press or anything, but it was still funny to see how men think with their dicks. They were just so damn proud of themselves.
We decided to let D&G consumate their marriage (heh) and ended up going to the boys’ room to finish out the rest of the night. The girls followed, as did Ken, O, O’s gf, the nice guy who bought all the drinks, and AAPH and Dave. All of us crammed into the tiny room. I noticed that the bottle of wine had also migrated with us, so I offered the girls wine. We had to find some clean cups though, so Ken and I went to the bathroom to rinse out some cups. After I had finished rinsing my glass (I had downed a glass of champagne so that i could clean the glass), I turned around and ran into Ken. Ken then leaned over and tried to kiss me.
My very first thought was to kiss him back. LM had been raving about how his kiss had ruined it for her bc she had never found a better kisser since, so there was a part of me that was curious. The other part of my brain was like, “where the fuck? this is so out of the blue.” Honestly. the last thing i thought would happen was for him to try kissing me. I mean we barely said 2 words to each other in 3 days, and then all of a sudden, hes kissing me? I pushed him away and said that I couldn’t kiss him. He asked why. I said, “I don’t know what’s going on with you and LM, but I don’t want to be in the middle of it.” Again he said they were good friends and that was it. And I said that you don’t kiss your good friends. And he said, “So you wont kiss me bc of LM?” I said, “Yeah, pretty much. You have to respect that. I’m a loyal bitch and I’m not going to go there.” Then I walked away.
Because the room was so small, the other guys were witness to this (thank god he didnt try it in front of everyone though, at least waited until it was just us in the bathroom). I heard him telling one of the guys, “I cannot believe LM cockblocked me.” He said it kind of jokingly, but who knows.
Even though, after the fact, LM doesnt claim any ownership of Ken, I still think its weird. I really did not think I was consciously flirting with him. I mean not any more than any other guy. So there were a lot of factors. 1. I had heard all these stories about how he only likes blondes etc etc and that is something i find lame and shallow. 2. it was getting towards the end of the night. I didnt want to be some conquest or last ditch effort to end up with some girl 3. we barely even talked the entire time. then all of a sudden he wants to kiss me? 4. since it was well-known that i was ms. hard to get, ms. ultimate challenge, I didnt want him to think that kissin me was in some way a trophy moment. 5. bros before hos dude. Its not my style. Whether there is or isnt something going on between him and LM, the fact remains that they kissed 3 weeks ago. Im just not willing to enter into that drama at risk of LM’s friendship. Its just stupid to me.
LM, who was also really drunk, started to get upset during this time bc AAPH wasnt paying her as much attention w/the 3 other girls there vying for his time. I dont think it had anything to do w/her. He was just being a boy. Like omg theres girls in my room what do I do. And he was hanging w/friends he hadnt seen in a long time. It was really very harmless. At the same time, I could tell that LM was upset about it. She told me to watch. And then she went and sat next to AAPH. True to form, he was chatting w/the college girls. So LM got up and said she was going to leave. I intercepted her in the bathroom and told her to stay. Told her to have fun and not worry about what anyone was doing. She could have fun regardless. Then I went up to AAPH and asked if he wanted LM to leave. The look he gave me was actually very concerned. “NO, I dont want her to leave. why is she going to leave?” I said she was thinking about it. And then told him to make sure she stayed. So he went to her. And I guess he told her something. And she ended up staying.
The rest of the night, I remember in bits and pieces. Ken tried to kiss me again (this was when everyone was gone. I dont know where they went, but it was a very brief moment when he tried to steal a kiss). I told him no, again.
The other boys ended up walking the girls back, and LM was in the bathroom, leaving me and Ken alone. We looked through Dave’s digital pictures on the camera he left on his bed. They were so random. One was of a lay-z-boy and a fan in a room. I exclaimed, “who has a picture of a fucking fan and a fucking lazyboy?” For some reason, Ken found that really funny, and he just buckled over in laughter. Which made me laugh really hard. And that was our one moment – and I mean 1 moment – where there was a shred – and I mean shred – of chemistry. But its only bc I love it when a guy laughs. And if you read my other entries, you will know that this is not unique to him.
While LM was in the bathroom, Ken and I talked more. I told him more of the same (I think P had told Ken more or less the same stuff sometime earlier in the night). Basically I just said to be her friend but not be anything more bc it gets confusing. Then I said he shouldnt be so mean to her. He asked how he was being mean, and I said, “like telling her you only like blondes?” He said that he was just being honest and that he never lied about that. And I said that he could just be a little more sensitive to the fact that she is taking it to heart even if its not personal on his end. God, I have no idea how i was having this conversation w/as much to drink as I had. Actually, i think the only way I would have had a convo like this with him is if I had a ton to drink. Anyway, he was very quiet about it all, and seemed borderline pissed at me. Im not sure though bc like I keep saying, I dont know him very well.
So LM finally leaves. I immediately called my brother who came to pick me up. At this point, the boys had come back so I chatted w/them for like 2 minutes, gave them all hugs (all good huggers, btw. Not this weak ass wimpy shit hugging) and then Ken walked me to the elevator where we hugged for a semi-long time. Nothing further happened. No promises. Just goodbye and take care. And whatever it was nice in the sense that I guess the allure of the Ken Doll is that there is that something about him that is also very warm and caring and I can see why he and LM remained friends despite all the shit she’s told me.
Apparently, LM ran into AAPH downstairs and took him back to his place. I guess it makes sense bc I never got to say goodbye to him.
THE NEXT DAY
I woke up drunk. Was hungover as hell. Said goodbye to D&G and LM. Ran into Dave and the nice guy and said goodbye to them, but it was weird bc Dave didnt really acknowledge me at all. LM and AAPH hung out most of the day until she took him to the airport.
I drove to Houston in a semi-wasted obvivion, i.e. hungover. Which is way worse than riding on an airplane hungover. I got to do both though. Lucky me.
Had lunch w/my bro at Z Tejas but could barely eat the food. It was good, I was just so hungover. Took a few bites and wanted to puke. What a fucking moron I am.
And I havent heard from the boys since.
In summary – I had an awesome time at the wedding, even though I barely knew anyone. I’d like to thank the bartenders for that. Seriously though, it was awesome partying w/30something men and having fun with them. I know it will come as a shock, but I almost maybe kind of liked it. The scene in the bar where the hot bartender was being a pussy even though he wanted me was just so typical of the guys I date. In contrast, I had these other guys fighting for me, despite my efforts to shut them down.
It really did get me thinking. Maybe everyone is right. Maybe I need to stay away from the boys and go for the men…or something gay like that. I guess there is something to be said for an older guy. Way more considerate. Pays way more attention. Tries really hard. And just overall thoughtful. I had doors opening for me all night long. The guys went so far as to make sure that I entered before them. And I dunno. I found it actually very sweet and strangely intriguing. What is this concept of a guy taking control of the situation and taking care of the girl? Its a foreign notion to me – Im usually the one who has to do all the hand-holding.
As for what will happen next – I dont know. I doubt I will ever hang out w/that same group of people again, since they aren’t really my friends. But me and C def want to go to Austin and party. We have been talking about it for some time and I really really want to go back to Austin.
That’s the other realization that came out of my trip there – even though things had changed, there was still a sense of home. It felt, at times, like both a stranger and a long-lost friend, but I just loved it there. Everyone was just so alive and having fun, and the city just had a great energy. Maybe it was just the weekend, the moment, and the people I was with. I’m sure that was part of it. But it was enough. The weekend’s events was enough to make me really want to move back home.
