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The Queen

May 21, 2008

The Queen rose to fame about a year ago when he, and a few other wanna-be execs, decided to overthrow the old regime, oust the old ceo, and take control. One of the 3 guys was the person we referred to as The Queen Bee, or The Queen.

A brief outline:
-He started working at X Company as legal counsel
-After the overthrow, he appointed himself lead creative, even lording over the VP of creative (so now there are over 3 people in charge of ‘creative’ at this point)
-Once he realized that being lead creative meant that he’d have to approve everything, not just go on photo shoots and be innately creative (pointing his finger around, telling people what he liked or didnt like), he threw a temper tantrum–in front of the entire office–saying that he essentially was too busy for all this. In other words, it was below him.
-Because he trumped the VP of creative, and bc VP of creative did absolutely nothing, despite her 225K salary (literally, nothing), the VP resigned all authority to him so that she was entirely removed from any sort of delegation, approval, management…in other words, doing any part of her job.
-In his role as creative counsel (i believe that was his title), The Queen would push through many personal projects (see below). These projects were more personal initiatives that he wanted to do because he was “Creative Counsel,” rather than planned out/strategic projects that made marketing and fiscal sense. He refused to adhere to any schedule, time frame, deadline, as well as refused to communicate with marketing about how to best market his projects. He also refused to have any of his projects edited for content or clarity. If touched, he would throw a temper tantrum. Literally.

The below project is one of his attempts at “branding” our product. What he fails to realize is that this is/was a catalog company, not a Gay Men’s magaine.

This is what he wanted to have us put online as a “feature story” — too bad there was no place w/in the web structure to even house these articles, and no way to navigate to them. (this made him have another hissy fit-“why cant you just do it? Why do i have to do everything!”)So all the teams scrambled on this project, during peak season, so he could have his way. IT had to figure out how to create new navigation. We had to figure out how to code and house the page, webstore had to figure out how to create a new location, and marketing had to figure out how this could benefit ‘the brand.’ Not to mention, copy had to “lightly edit” the piece. All this work for a piece that would not generate any amount in sales. In true Company X fashion, after all that work, the project was shelved…until now…

(epilogue: after a few more of his public temper tantrums, he was removed from “Creative Counsel” by the person who pretended to be his biggest ally–the VP of creative. However, just because he was physically removed, did/does not mean he was financially removed. We speculate that he is/and always was, still on the payroll. Yet another person getting paid 5k a week to do nothing).

This is one of his brilliant entries. We are trying to locate the others, aka “The Lost Chronicles”:

Unofficial Guide to Manly Jewelry

Let Go of the Past.

There was a time when Good Taste dictated that a man’s jewelry was limited to his watch, his wedding band, possibly a small, hidden religious item, and maybe, just maybe, a signet ring. The rest of it was for kids (those honking class rings), disco disasters (that memorable pairing of tight Qiana® and gold snake chains) and dandies (cufflinks with freshly minted family crests). Oddly (in retrospect), a man’s only vehicle for self-expression in the accessories department was the necktie.

With the decline of the tie (halleluiah), and following a brief, mostly unhappy affair with minimalism in the 90’s, there was a resurgence of other men’s accessories, most notably, jewelry. It’s far easier to choose a gift of jewelry for a man than a necktie (and nobody really wants to get a tie anyway), but there are a few things that are useful to keep in mind.

Size Matters.

More so than for women, a man’s jewelry should be scaled to his body. This probably has something to do with outmoded sex role stereotypes, but the reality is that women like their necks and wrists to look small (“lithe”) and men don’t (“scrawny”), so it’s best not to put a Heavyweight necklace on a Bantamweight guy. (At RedEnvelope, most of our jewelry is Middleweight to avoid this problem.)

Silver vs. Gold.

We’re often asked if a man should mix silver and gold jewelry; for example, “If my husband wears a gold wedding ring, can I get him a silver bracelet?” Don’t worry about it. Silver and gold are neutrals – they go with anything and can be smartly combined with each other, and with the new manly jewelry metals, such as titanium, steel and tungsten. The important thing is that the designs of the jewelry he’s combining are compatible. For example, if his watch is a wafer-thin gold affair with a sleek black alligator band, a sinewy, hand-forged matte silver chain (while very sexy in itself) is probably not a good choice for his other wrist. Best to stick with something like a refined sterling ID bracelet. (Or get him a new watch.)

Matching.

A man should never wear, at the same time, pieces of jewelry that match each other. Ever. (Matching cufflinks and stud sets for formal wear are a grandfathered, and we mean grandfathered, exception to this rule.)

A Few How-to-Wear Tips.

Since most men are relatively new to recreational jewelry, here a few tips to help him make it work:

Neck chains and pendants. These should be worn inside a man’s shirt. The glint of a chain or a peak at a pendant as he moves is sexy. Wearing, say, a sterling dog tag necklace on top of his tee-shirt is like tucking his jeans into his boots: dead wrong.

Bracelets. These should be worn on the opposite wrist from his watch and should be loose enough to fall over his wrist bone with a shake or two. As we’ve said, mixing metals is just fine, but it’s best to coordinate leather bracelets to the color of his watch band if it’s leather too. When in doubt, brown is more versatile than black.

Multiples. We’ve seen guys around here looking great wearing a couple of necklaces or bracelets together, but they tend to be our designers and not our accountants. This devil-may-care brand of chic is a high-risk strategy for beginners. And anyone over 35.

Cufflinks. Cufflinks, unlike neckties, are a great place to let loose and express a little humor, whimsy or extravagance. (Cufflinks whisper the punchline to his neighbor; a novelty necktie clanks on his glass and bellows it to the whole room.) Cufflinks look sharp without a tie, but they’re probably too dressy to wear without a jacket. Cabochon stones look smart all the time, but it’s best to save faceted gemstone cufflinks for evening or special occasions when he’s wearing one of his best suits. Diamonds, very small ones only, are best after dark. Large diamonds should be given to women.

Earrings. This is a tough one. There are a few, mostly younger men who pull this off to great effect. We’re not exactly sure why, but it has something to do with looking a little dangerous. If he could be cast as a pirate in a credible Hollywood production, you might want to give it a try. If not, there are plenty of other ways to accessorize your man.

Rings. It’s important to remember that men’s mitts are much larger and squarer than women’s hands, so a man’s ring can be pretty chunky without looking theatrical. There should be strict limits as to number, though: he gets two at a time, counting his wedding ring, and these should be worn only on his third and fourth fingers. Any more and he risks looking like a community theater Henry VIII. As with cufflinks, cabochon stones can look elegantly luxurious, but unlike cufflinks, faceted gems on a man’s digits are nearly always tacky. Keep those for yourself.

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  • kevin May 22, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    (…and then the cufflink said…)

    I started to hear Sir John Gielgud as I read this. Then I started to imagine Sir John Gielgud in a Napoleon costume (this raises questions about my psyche I choose to ignore). Queen probably uses too much starch.

    Keeping good thoughts…

  • V May 23, 2008 at 7:19 am

    i wish I could find the other ones…they are MIA

  • The Gould Family May 28, 2008 at 8:03 am

    That is so gay. Awesomely gay.

  • Twilight June 4, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    Omg, he is the missing member of Queer Eye.

  • kevin June 10, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    AP reported today (under science news) that monkeys fish. Knew you’d want to know…

    Keeping good thoughts…

  • kevin July 7, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Finally got around to seeing Kung Fu Panda. Can’t wait to have the noodle dream. Hope I’m not blinded by the awesomeness…

    Keeping good thoughts…

  • kevin November 24, 2008 at 3:01 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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