I’m going to try and catch up on all the things that have been happening, since its 7:20 am on a Saturday, and I cannot sleep any more.
* work is still crazy. my dutch boy boss has been out of office at least 3 days a week, claiming to be sick or at a dr’s appt. The funny thing is, the same held true for last week. Just the thought of her hypocrasy makes me angry. On the upside – I have been contacted about a few opportunities at other companies. Nothing is a given/sure thing though, so I am just going to approach this 1-step at a time…while keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best… My promise, however, is that I will throw an Emancipation of DX: Las Vegas ’06 party in sin city when I do get a job that pays/treats me what I’m worth. I plan on renting out a suite, inviting all my friends, and getting drunk the entire weekend.
*my french ex bf – Frenchy – has been emailing me like crazy. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but he is going to move to Canada. Before he goes, he is thinking of coming to SF to make a pit stop. I am happy to see him and hang out with him, but I feel like my how the tables have turned. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. God, what was it, like 6 years ago when I wanted to visit him in France – just as friends – and he told me it wouldnt be a good idea. I guess it’s true what they say about everything coming full-circle. If we can remain platonic, then Id love to see him, but I’m afraid that he will want more. What is it about guys who just turn 30? Its like some chip in their head is activated, and they finally realize how much their past relationships meant to them.
*the other day, D amd I were having a pretty good convo about boys. One of her bridesmaids is totally into this one guy, even though she keeps telling us she isnt. I told her that it took me 28 years to learn a very simple lesson – and that is don’t be with people who don’t want to be with you. Even if they are nice. Even if they have the potential to be amazing people. Even if they have supported you and been there for you during certain moments. The fact of the matter is that if a guy flakes on you or pushes you away, or is giving you iffy answers, or is dodging the question, or if a guy is just confusing you by being emotionally inconsistent…then you have to make the decision and say – I will not accept this kind of behavior. I think scb’s behavior really pushed me to the brink. When I was in nyc in september, and the old scb came back to me, I realized – this is the one single day in almost a year when he was the scb I loved. The rest of the 364 days, he treated me like shit. I don’t care what his motives are, or why he does this or that – he’s a flake. And thats just bullshit. I know I have incredibly high standards for people, but you don’t flake on people you care about. So even though I know that he has the potential to be such an amazing person, I also have to choose to accept the fact that he refuses to be this amazing person at this time in his life. So be it. I’m really really over it.
*Speaking of the wedding, D&G have a bet going concerning this one friend of theirs. D thinks that I will get bored of this guy first. G thinks that the guy will get bored with me first, considering that he’s very picky about women. There is this whole story about how he went out with a girl for 2 years even though he was so lukewarm about it. Well, I’m not sure I’m his type, but I definitely know he’s not mine. I’m sure hes funny and great and all that, but come on, I’m going to need a little more than that. I told D to cash in on the bet bc I was already bored. Heh.
*I have actually been noticing some fairly cute guys in the city lately. I’m confused by what cosmic power is allowing this. Maybe they are aliens from another planet, b/c it does not compute. There was this really cute guy working at Trader Joe’s who was very flirty the other day. Very cute. And tall. I really didn’t know what to do though – the last thing I expected while looking for marinara sauce is to have some cute guy talk to me. And then theres my ex co-workers roomie who is a 24 ro 25-yr old architect who just moved to the city. God, I really need to just meet him and see what hes all about. The truth is that I just love younger guys. I know they most likely can’t give me what I need, but until I find an older guy – like the completely fabricated bachelor – who can come to the table with a little bit of energy and passion, then forget it. Im fine on my own.
And now for the more in-depth and long-delayed write-ups: