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shift

March 25, 2004

sigh. making time for scb while working is hard. not that i didnt expect it to be different/compromising/work, but its been hectic trying to get settled into a new routine.

right now, im busting my ass to make an impression so that my company will love me and want me to stay (I have a 2 week probation period–at the end, they’ll decide to hire me full-on. apparently this is standard procedure, but still makes me nervous. especially when ive been grilled on various complicated techniques in photoshop and illustrator and have drawn a blank more than once. ugh.) so major stress in that arena. add to that the fact that i jumped in right in the middle of a very intense production schedule, with an upcoming deadline (yeah yeah boring work stuff) but long story short–im fucking tired.

scb was gone last week/end bc he was in AZ attending a wedding. he returned on monday, we hung out. hung out again last night (dinner and movie). scb was supposed to leave for tahoe w/his friend tonight, and stay there the whole week, just missing me should i decide to go on saturday as he was planning on coming back to the city. (confused yet?) Next week, he’s going to chicago. so needless to say, in the midst of all this worky work jobby job transition, ive been struggling to spend as much as my free time with him as possible, which has been good, but also stressful and tiring. I just want to go home and watch the tele and do nothing, rather than rush around and try to cram our time with events and whatnot b/c we feel obligated to “do something.”

not complaining, just saying. its frustrating. especially today when scb decided to leave tomorrow morning so that he could spend time with me–and then we ended up not spending time together after all (combo of being too tired and a lot of miscommunication). Augh. frustrating. Especially when time is so precious for the both of us.

our light at the end of the tunnel is that we are planning on going to vegas to meet up with D&G on our 6monthaversary.

I guess this is how the real world operates.

But it was nice for a while–that stillness we had together–the days when we could wake up at 9, make breakfast, and then get coffee and read the entire day. sigh.

again, not complaining. just saying. its going to take some getting used to–not used to having a real life…heh, funny how the grass is always greener.

but lets not put the cart before the horse. phase 1 is keeping my job. phase 2=worry about other stuff. even if scb is def a priority. um yeah, anyway, rambling b/c im tired so ill go to sleep.

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