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Relief

June 14, 2008

It’s almost time for the big move-out and the separation of ways. Came home last night to find all of my stuff taken out of the shared bookshelf (and on the floor) and the vacuum that had been in my room earlier that day, downstairs. Which means that whomever decided to take said vacuum actively went seeking for it in my room…and then removed it. It would be one thing if the item belonged to one of the roomies and they were looking for it. But it’s my vacuum. If I want it to be in my room, it should remain in my room. If someone wants to use it, but can’t find it, they should ask rather then go searching. End of story.

We are all trying to leave things on a “good note,” but honestly things like that just make me look forward to a future when the only person I share things with is my bf.

I told NG about it and he said that he’s noticed that I get really bothered by people messing with my things–more than is normal. I suppose that’s true. I dont mind people using my things, but I do mind when people assume that the things I’m letting them use are free for the taking. Not only should you ask, but you should return the borrowed item to the owner is same, if not better condition. My vacuum: always filled up, tray never empty, filter never changed, brushes never cleaned. Shakes head.

Kind of like when people borrowed my tools without asking. Or even worse, 3rd party people borrow my tools without asking. And then breaking said tools…um ya. Just reminds me of a lesson my dad drilled into my brain over and over and over growing up: never let anyone borrow any of your tools (this could mean anything, obviously) because youll never get it back the same. Very very true.

I’m trying to bite my tongue and let it ride for the next 2 weeks when this will all be over. Then I will breath a huge sigh of relief. I honestly don’t know what will become of my friendships with the roomies once its all over. Maybe we will grow closer, or maybe we will be pushed even further apart. It’s hard to tell at this point, but one of my epiphonous moments this year was understanding that friendships ebb and flow, and sometimes when your life changes, those friendships don’t change with it. That’s ok. I’m kind of tired of fighting the battle and ready to accept the old cliche that whatever happens, happens.

NG is on the road. He just left Atlanta and is on his way to Texas to meet up with a mutual friend. After that, he’ll probably stop somewhere in Arizona and then arrive in SF around Tuesday evening. It will be such a relief to have him here. And a relief to have someone here who is finally on my side/looking out for me.

I thought I would be a bit more freaked out by the whole boyfriend moving in thing, but I’m not. It feels natural. And I figure, what’s the big deal anyway. Like my other relationships, I’m riding the wave on this one–letting it see where it all takes me and hoping that wherever that place is, is for the best.

Like one of my friends says–life is just a series of random events anyway, with people just happening to bump into each other. I don’t fully agree with that. I think that people can make what they want out of life/relationships/whatever if there is intent and effort, but I do agree that there’s no way you can plan for the things Life throws at you, nor can you really know if another person/friend/boyfriend’s life will eternally mesh with yours. Two people can certainly try and make things work if the desire is there, but sometimes, it really is better to let go. I know Im definitely guilty of holding on too tight.

I’m not really a sit-back-and-take-it-as-they-come kind of person, so this is all very new and hard for me to accept. But I think in this case, if Life has some grand plan for me or “reason” or “meaning” for all of this, then I’ll just let it unfold on its own.

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