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on the other side of the spectrum

January 27, 2008

RD came into town this past weekend to celebrate her birthday (early) and my bday (late). Not much planned, but we both were in need of relaxation and some long catch-up type talks. I worried some about how it would be–even though we have seen each other off and on since Ive moved to SF, its been a long time since we’ve actually sat down and had a real conversation. Being that 80% of the people that are my friends currently annoy me, or I find that I cannot talk to, I wondered if it would be the same with her.

But, it wasn’t. We picked up where we left off, and even odder, it felt like we had both matured at the same rate, learned the same lessons, were on the same path, all the things that you need and look for when you try to connect with someone. It was a good feeling to talk to someone besides my boyfriend (i said it again) about some of the things I have been thinking or feeling or worrying about in life. And it felt good to be heard and understood and acknowledged.


So, keeping with the gayness, her visit was oddly “romantic.” Back in HS, we used to joke that we were the 2 lesbians bc we were so similar. Well guess what? Some things never change.

Thursday, RD came into the city via BART. We met up for lunch at ‘Wichcraft and then I returned to work for a few hours while RD apparently toured the entire city (in like 3 hrs). I left work in a huff, and we went back to my place, chit chatted, watched TV, and then headed to my favorite restaurant, Incanto. Dinner was great as usual, and after drinking 3 glasses of wine, and sampling a ton of food, we were ready to pass out. I’m so thankful to have someone who 1. drinks and 2. goes to sleep early. It’s a hard combo to find, and it was awesome to not feel guilty either way.

Friday, I took the day off. RD rented a limo (a nice limo I might add) and we were chauffeured to the Sonoma area for some wine tastings that RD had picked. Being half-asian, alcohol is usually a 50/50 shot for me: sometimes i have a great tolerance (German side shows up), sometimes I don’t. I also found out recently that I must have a wine allergy to certain wines (discovered this when I broke out in hives one night after splitting a bottle of wine with NG).

You can see where this is going.

We had bagels and cream cheese on the way up, and stopped to get coffee and OJ (to make mimosas). First winery–I was fine. Had a grand ole time talking it up with the wine server. Second winery: it was about lunch time. For some dumb reason I didnt want to eat til after the tasting. We continued sampling I dont know how many more glasses–to the point where we were allowed to taste pretty much anything we wanted, even stuff from the barrels.

Note to my former single self: Ledson winery had some hot boys running the show. We were both shocked to hell (and confirmed it later with one another). RD said that I was a bit exaggerated in my flirting, which is probably true. My memory of this is hazy. I know the guy I thought was cute looked like Paul Rudd–dark hair, dark eyes, and the guy she thought was cute had longish hair and lighter features. I also recall having a conversation about snowboarding w/the blonde guy. Again, way too enthusiastic. He must have thought I was stoned rather than drunk. But yes, Ledson, I guess theres a program called Wine Marketing at Sonoma State. I think these boys go there. Must return with single friends when Im less drunk.

There were 2 more wineries after that (shit, I was still drinking?) and by the fourth one I cut myself off. Actually, at the 4th one, we chatted with the Australian winemaker at a place known for their port. I had to excuse myself, puke, then I came back to rally to try the port. If i hadn’t been so wasted, I would have bought a bottle of port. I’m not clear as to why I didn’t. Which is weird bc at the end of the night I had 4 bottles of wine that I didn’t remember purchasing.

What’s cool? Driving up to wine country in a limo. What’s not cool? Puking in the limo on the way back. Guess which category I fall into?

To add to this, it was pouring rain. We had to stop several times at wineries (RD, god bless, went in and continued with the tastings) for me to puke, and thne once on the side of the road. Back in the city (a long, winding road home) I puked in a puke bag in the limo. Apparently this sort of thing is common, especially with 21 year olds, the driver noted. “Um…but we’re 30.” RD said.

Despite the puking, I had a good time. I feel bad that I had to make RD wait and that I was running up the limo meter though. Since we had started at 930 in the morning, we made it back in time to just sit and chill for the rest of the night–order pizza, watch comedy shows, paranormal shows, etc.

So that is how we celebrated our almost-birthdays. I managed to do something I never got to do in Miami–puke. I’m not sure that was worth the wait.

Saturday–we lounged around until noon and then went to the Legion of Honor to check out the Marie Antoinette exhibit (as suggested to us by one of the wine servers). Exhibit was extremely enjoyable and we became obsessed with the recent book and movie (ive seen the movie, and wanted to see it again–it was RDs first time). AFter the museum, we took pictures for RDs match.com profile. I have to say I’m really happy and excited that she is back in the dating world and i really truly hope that she will find someone worthy of her (I’m not drunk.) Anyway, she told me she didnt have any pictures of herself, and I told her that I need to practice shooting my new camera, so there you have it. It sounds stupid, but it actually was a lot of fun, as we thought of all the ‘personas’ we wanted to portray via a match.com picture. For example: RD likes art (picture in front of museum), RD likes nature (picture near bridge with hair blowing in wind as if shes on the most awesome nature hike ever), RD loves to travel (we cheated on this one and shot a pic in front of the Japanese tea garden), RD loves tress (pic of her talking to a tree), RD loves to think (sunset picture of her looking out at the sea), RD is so metropolitan (lookout point with the lights of the city sparkling below), and so on and so forth. Like I said, it was fun.

We had lunch at Bills Place (burgers), and talked more about life and love and how self-involved people are. And i thought–you know how some people you see every day (see previous post), but find that you have nothing to say and nothing in common. And then there are those that you never see that you are exactly on the same page with about the most minute things. RD falls into the latter. Its kind of eerie to think that while we lead separate lives in separate cities, we could still be so similar.

After exploring the sculpture gardens, gg park, and lands end, we went on a quest to find the marie antoinette movie. Once it was in our hot little hands, we picked up our sushi and went home. Romantic date #3–quiet night in.

RD left this morning after yet another bagel run (never eaten so many bagels in one weekend). It was sad to see her go. We joked that we’d see each other in another 4 years (the last time she came to SF), and even though we both laughed, I did kind of wonder. “See you when I’m 35.” God time flies. And even though we still connect so deeply in our lives, I still think about how much there was about her life that I didn’t know and wasn’t involved in, and it made me sad. I wonder if I have changed. I wonder if my friends think Ive changed. A lot happens in 5 years. A lot happened since I last saw her in SF. It still freaks me out. These are the types of moments and friendships and shared experiences and late night conversations that make me want more than anything to go back to Austin. RD being here reminded me once again of Texas, and when she left, it felt like she took with her a little piece of home.

We always talk about the need to have those 3 things in life: love, place, job. And we discussed on this trip (as we did 4 years ago), how things were a little more stable and how we knew a little bit more what we were doing. I don’t really, but I guess in a way I am in a better place or at least RD reminded me that we were.

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