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May 6, 2007

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navy guy (or i guess ex-navy now) left this morning…I don’t know if i feel sad, necessarily. It is weird that he’s not here, and I will miss spending time with him, and we did have fun. But a larger part of me is kind of glad to resume my life as it had been before he came to visit. Its not that I wanted him to go, its that , necessarily, but I guess I like my independence too much right now.

As for how things went–they went well, I guess. Even though I am thinking a million different things, I really want to try and have a clear head about things, and not force any decisions or come to any conclusions right away. It’s kind of hard though, when you are living in the moment with someone. And when that someone is a person that you do connect with.

Maybe its strange that I can connect with someone, yet still feel so conflicted. I think what it is is that I am unsure of the future and I don’t want to get in too deep both for his and my sake. I don’t worry necessarily about the long-distance nature of things. But I do worry about all the time and effort and whatever I could potentially put into something or someone when I may or may not see a future in it. Its still too soon to tell, and maybe that is weird and telling in itself, I don’t know. It’s been so long since I’ve even thought about this type of thing, so I am not sure what is ‘normal’ and what isn’t.

Anyway–I’ll just take it as it comes. Do my best to be honest with my feelings. And see what happens from there.

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