ARCHIVES

Morbo

March 6, 2008


Alternate name:
Morbo
Quark
Constable Odo

Description:
Despite his questionable human appearance, the creature known as “Morbo” is actually an alien visitor from some unidentified planet and/or dimension. Believed to have been sent to Earth to study and collect data regarding our planets inhabitants and potential weaknesses, he performs strange calculations operating under the guise of “Marketing Analytics.”

Morbo’s alien body seems to have not fully adapted to our atmosphere, as well as the Earth’s gravitational pull. His skeletal and immune systems are obviously fragile in comparison to our own, as he appears to experience much higher levels of pain than that of any normal human. Example–he injured (altho there is no sign of injury) his alien leg during a swimming incident…he has been shuffling around for approximately 3 weeks now.

Additionally, Morbo’s sight is such that he has an affinity towards the color blue as demonstrated by the fact that his outfits consist solely of blue striped shirts, blue track pants, blue jeans and blue flip flops. His computer screen background is set to the color blue, and he stares at this blue screen A LOT. “A lot” is an understatement. He stares at it 90% of the day. Our most recent theory is that on his planet, blue light is broken down into a spectrum of different colors, rather than white light.

Weird habits include taking his laptop (with blue screen) to the alley nearby (where local homeless specimens literally take a crap) to smoke a cigarette. Perhaps it is the custom from his planet, but I have never seen someone take a smoke break with their laptop in an alley…squatting. Clearly he is not from this planet.

Offenses:

  • Being an alien from another planet
  • Always interjecting his 2, 3, 4, 10 cents (unsolicited of course)
  • Having an annoying-ass accent
  • Carrying his laptop to the alley while on a smoke break
  • Stares at blue screen literally all day
  • Making too much money while providing no measurable service
  • Producing disturbing amounts of mucus and mucus related noises
  • Producing a very analytical youtube video for a company contest http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1ff6z-GrKI
  • Wearing track pants and flip flops
  • Shuffling, hobbling, grimacing, and basically acting like a pussy

Notes: We thought it would be hilarious to take a picture of him (found in employee files) and convert that picture into a binary code image of himself. Then set it as the screensaver/background on his laptop so that whenever he used his computer, he would get the impression that he was looking in the mirror/looking at his alien self. We’re on to you, Morbo.

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