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Insomniac

January 13, 2007

So today was weird.

Its usually cold in the city, but not puffer-jacket cold. With scarf and jacket, I was still freezing as I waited for my fucking muni to arrive…it never did. Instead, some weird shuttle bus picked us up (after waiting 35 min for it) and then dropped us off 1 stop down the street. One fucking stop. “The muni is coming, so I have to let you off.” Ummm…Everyone piled off and cluster-fucked in the street. I said fuck this and walked in my shitty shoes (we’ll get to that later) to the BART – a gazillion blocks away.

My coworker and I took a 2 hr lunch. We didnt give a shit.

At our all-hands meeting–something I have been dreading for the entire week, and something that lasted over 1.5 hrs, I received a shout-out for all the shit I went through during xmas. Then, at the end of the meeting, when the “Employee of the Month” award is given out, the CEO started to read a poem. Towards the middle of the poem, I started thinking…uh…that kind of sounds like what I do…and that kind of sounds like something my manager would write. So…you’re looking at the newest Employee of the Month. And it turns out the VP wrote the poem. And it also turns out that a shitload of people nominated me. And…it also turns out that I get a $200 gift certificate (to be used at our company of course but whatever–Bose Sound Dock here I come?)

Strange though, considering that at my old job, I was treated like such shit. Despite the fact that I actually ENJOYED my job and did a lot more than I ever did at my current company, they always tried to beat me down like an abusive boyfriend. Not good enough, not right attitude, didnt care enough, hard to work with…all shit that was not even true. My old coworkers–all of whom have since left–told me that I should fax a copy of my plaque/award to my old manager. What a fucking loser.

Went to our company’s post-holiday party at some swanky club in North Beach and proceeded to get semi-wasted. Actually, I wasnt so much wasted as much as I was just feeling weird from the strange combo of drinks and food. My boss was super drunk but it was kind of funny bc I told him about the boys who I made kiss each other on new yrs eve. We chitter chattered and he told me that I looked ‘amazing’ tonight. Considering that I look like shit every day when I go to work, any sort of deviation would be an amazing transformation. Then I started chitchatting w/his wife about how my mgr knows 4 hot, tall, young boys, but won’t hook me up. Then his wife said, “oh yo know who we should hook her up with? (Insert name I didnt catch here)” I asked if this mystery guy was young, tall, and hot, and she said yup. 21. I almost choked at 21, but whatever, if I can do 22, I can do 21…I mean, I already have my fake myspace page up and running, what’s stopping me now?

Speaking of 22…I think Spike and I are done. Not that there was anything to end, really, but tag and release, Im bored. To his (unknowing)credit, he was a very welcome distraction during a time when I felt pretty shitty, i.e. the holidays. Hes one of those encounters that makes you think that it was almost too coincidental in timing, and if I were young(er) and naive, I would want to hold onto this–whatever *this* is–somehow.  But people come and people go, and sometimes they better your life and sometimes they dont and at the end of the day, at least he made me laugh when I really did not feel like laughing. Which is more than I can say for a lot of people, so whatever. It’s been real, Spike.

After drinking for 4 hrs, me and my buddy E called up C and her boy and invited ourselves to dinner with them. We were too boozy to accept no for an answer, and showed up at the pizza place loud as can be. E was super bad, as he started talking to some innocent bystanders at the table next to us. I did say something about Sabine shitting in E’s mouth when he slept, but that’s besides the point. I wasn’t really that drunk to be honest, just combo of woozy (weird food), bit buzzed, cold as shit, and tired as fuck. We went back to our place and I passed out on the couch watching my bf Bear Grylls. E woke me up during the part when Bear does naked pushups. Thanks, E.

And now, like always, I am unable to sleep. The alcohol allowed me to sleep for a few hrs, but now I am wide awake as I have been for the past few weeks. Tossing and turning and never getting any real sleep. Its really getting on my nerves. Usually this would be the time with Spike and I text messaged each other, but yah, see above.

I need some fresh meat.

So far…this yr…not so bad, but I’m not holding out any sort of hope that it will be good or great or somehow “my year.” This is what my ex (X2) wrote me, since we are now talking again, and since he is now all of a sudden putting forth a ton of effort to be “there” for me:

Keep your expectations low this year.  Exercise, drink more water,
worry less about things you have no control over, and let good things
happen from there. 

weird, but I guess I appreciate the simplicity.

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