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I guess this is why I have a blog

January 24, 2008

Do you ever feel like of all the friends you have and people you talk to and interact with and hang out with on a daily basis–out of all those people, that there is nobody you can really go to at the end of the day, to just talk to–nothing deep, but say a quick I’m so frustrated with everything and just get enough feedback in return to feel a teensy bit better?

Here is my problem: time was I had my own set of friends that I could talk to. Somewhere along the line, these friends mingled and merged with other groups of friends so that now every time we hang out, the mass email includes no fewer than 10 people. Maybe Im a friend monopolizer, but its is next to impossible to get 1×1 time with my used-to-only-be-my friends. Now, whenever I have a problem, and simply want to vent, I have to go through an emotional obstacle course, overanalyzing the situation from all angles, until we end up arguing over why the sky is blue.

An example: I was venting to friend about something. Said friend was venting back and reaffirming my vents. Then next thing I know, said friend is on the other side of the fence and then I feel so stupid and ridiculous like I’m now the irrational stupid one.


It would be nice to know that someone has my back and just MY back. Someone who is a friend and not a bf (bc they are obligated) and not family (bc they are obligated too), but a friend. I know I am not always the most rational person, especially when something frustrates me, but I would like to, for once, just hear, “yeah dude that is totally fucked up,” or, “yeah screw that you dont need that bullshit,” rather than, “well have you really thought about why you are feeling this way? Have you ever considered that this situation exists because so and so could be feeling this way.” I’m not saying those viewpoints are never valid. I’m just saying, for once I would like to feel like I’m not alone. Sometimes I don’t want to delve deep into my psyche and emerge a better, more understanding person.Is that completely unrealistic to expect?

I’ve thought about this through some of the past friend dramas and realized I really don’t have any one person here that I can go to for completely biased one-sided support. And ironically, the ones that come close are the ones I interact with the least.

Anyway. Im being really angsty right now. I have a lot on my mind and am all-around stressed and annoyed and tired.

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