Grown Up Party

Went to my coworkers champagne and sweets bday party. My coworker, ML, is in her early 30s, has been married for a relatively short time, lives in a cozy loft space in the mission, and has such a grown-up life that I find appealing.

Her husband was super sweet, and all her friends were super nice and chatty and didnt ask idiotic questions like, “whats your nationality?” Even though I was the a)youngest person there by far, b)the only person who everyone didnt know and c)the only girl without a date/bf, I didn’t feel too terribly out of my element. Talked to some people about art, others about sports, and while the baby conversations and marriage convos did come up, it was always somewhat talked about in jest–like, “omg can you BELIEVE we are having this conversation?”

I kind of felt like Skipper the entire evening–you know, Barbie’s little cousin or whatever–the kid sister everyone was looking after. I felt somewhat out of place b/c of the age gap, and all the life changes that usually occur w/in that age gap, but at the same time, it was cool to see a group of people not in their 20s, who had interesting things to talk about, who werent boring, who could stay up past midnight, and who actually had cute boyfriends that they met in sf. As they told me–“youre young and pretty, you have nothing to worry about.” Yeah, could someone point me in the direction of where all the hot eligible guys are hiding?

So, the “Tall Swede” never showed, even though he was supposed to come. And he didnt call or say why. Flakey. I also met a girl who went on a few dates with him, and she said he had issues. Eh, what are issues? The important thing is–IS HE HOT? Actually, I wasnt too disappointed. I was only curious to see what he looked like, not really planning on making a connection.

I did, however, meet another guy. ML’s husband’s best friend since 2nd grade. We actually had pretty good conversation, and he actually asked about ME the whole night. Amazing. A conversation that doesnt center around the guy? Is that possible? I can’t quite place my finger on who I think he resembles, but I will say that if I were to describe someone who I would consider to be “my type”–he would be the exact opposite end of the spectrum physically. That being said, I did enjoy talking with him–it was natural, easy, and he was very polite and attentive. At the end of the night, when he asked me for my number, I freely gave it to him.

Do i want to necessarily begin a serious relationship with him? No, I dont think I really want that with anyone. But he is my coworkers husbands close friend. And he was a really cool person, so how could I not give him my number. Felt like it would be wrong and out of place to say, “oh, but Im not interested in dating anyone right now, so lets just be friends.”

The problem is that I think or feel that Im in the “inbetween age”– guys my age are usually too immature relationship-wise to want to make any sort of commitment, and guys older than me are way too interested and serious and wanting more than something casual. And Im the same way. I dont know what I want. The idea of meeting someone to settle down with is actually not all that appealing. I still have wild nights in a bar and romantic flings in far off lands in me. I’d like to meet someone who made me excited again, but at the same time, Im in no rush. I feel like I have everything I need right now.

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