F it, I’m already awake

It’s 2:35 am New York time. I just spent the last 1+ hours riding the N to the 1 all the way up to the 200s, aka the Bronx. I’m tired, yet awake. I want to leave, but I don’t.

I have had two completely different emotions/thoughts while here. One: that it wouldn’t be terrible to live here, if you lived outside of manhattan, where there are trees and real houses, real people, real neighborhoods, less cars. The other: that I’m so glad I never lived in nyc.

I think a part of everyone has thought of living in nyc at one time or another. I’ve thought of it so many times in the past 5 years, wondering if life would be different, if I was missing out on something by not living here sooner. Maybe it’s a sign of me getting older, but I have no desire whatsoever to live that life I once dreamed. I guess that’s why they say if you live here, you have to live here before 30. I’m starting to have a love/hate relationship now with this city.

Time to finish packing, and then sleep for another couple of hours (how many hours am I going on this weekend? 3 hrs a night? Less? Definitely getting too old for this) and then I need to get up early so I can ride into the new york office tomorrow morning. Dread.

Without my sis and MM here, this city once again feels empty. All the activity, all the late nights eating, drinking, partying with people you know/barely know/want to know–it’s meaningless for me now.

I’d rather be home, w/NG, doing nothing, eating home-cooked food, and watching crappy tv.


I’ll post a real blog, with photos, once I get to Boston tomorrow night.

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