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end of week 2

May 10, 2008

i kind of know what I’m doing now…kind of, but not really. A lot of the anxiety I initially felt has subsided now that I have gotten to know the team a little better, and especially after getting to know my predecessor, Lulu, who thankfully extended her stay to train me.

It’s still very strange to be the person w/the most “seniority” in my office space where there are people at least twice my age, but I guess I will get over that soon. A title is just a title, after all, even if you hear people refer to you as, “my boss.” Not that I wasn’t a “boss” before,  its just different here. Somehow it seems more real, and less like me faking it (even tho I am trying not to let on that I am still doing that just a little bit).

Initially I had feared that things would be weird, and the transition to me as “their boss” would be hard. Lulu has a quirky personality, and at first I really didn’t know how to read her. I thought we were very different, personality-wise, and that the team–*HER* team–the one she built, would never be *my* team.

Anyway, I was wrong. We are scarily 2 peas in a pod and have even worn nearly the same outfit to work. We also have strange backgrounds, same tastes, same gripes, same stupid jokes, same thoughts, same this same that. We like BBC tv, obsessively. Both of us have lost a parent. We’re both from Texas. We both like weird tiny houses. And on and on and on.

I got really tired of being isolated in the fancy office with the windows and decided to move into Lulu’s cube while she is still around. It’s a pretty crowded cube, but its strangely like a weird office version of a slumber party. When we overhear people chatting about stuff, we both look at each other and eye roll. When coworkers enter our area — even tho they are not allowed in (its a security restricted area due to the type of equipment we have access to) — we make snide remarks. And when I get semi-distressing-annoying calls in the middle of the day, she is there to help me out, even if its just by giving me a cupful of peanut m&ms.

On the one hand, I’m relieved to know that we are alike, because now I know I’ll be just fine. And I’m relieved to think that this strange cosmic interference means that I may just be right where I need to be–in other words, “everything happens for a reason” — the career in retail, that led to my old job, that led to a crazy boss, that led me to the company folding, that led me to here…

On the other hand, it’s not fucking fair to finally meet someone I think could be a really good friend…in SF of all places…and not have that happen. Not surprisingly, we both expressed the same thing: where have you been all this time? And we literally only worked a block away from each other. I’m sure our paths must have crossed more than once.

Anyway, this wasn’t meant to be some in-depth story about two star-crossed lovers. It just sucks. Plain and simple. Something about our (unexpected) 2-week old friendship is extremely comforting to me, especially in a town, and in a place in my life, where I have felt, and oftentimes feel, so alone. (*shakes fists in air*)

Isn’t it just like Life to meet someone like this on my way in, and on her way out?

Bullshit if you ask me.

Yet, at the same time, I’m still glad we met, even if 3 weeks is all I get.

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