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dear dad

October 23, 2006

I don’t know why but I feel like I can communicate with you like this. Maybe it’s all in my head. You just don’t feel gone. Everything is just the way you left it (more or less) and I’m terrified of the day when it’s not.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t seem to grieve. I’m sad, but I feel okay. Okay as anyone can feel who just lost their dad. I know I will never see you again, but right now you still feel so close. I’m afraid of what time will do. I don’t want you to just be a memory.

It’s quiet, and it’s late, and I’m in the kitchen all alone. Alone, like you must have been so many nights out of the year. It makes me sad to think of you where I am sitting now, but it also makes me feel like you’re right here with me.

I wish I could have been here more for you. I wish you were here now. I wish that we could have tonight to put together a puzzle or just play a game of cards. It hasn’t quite registered that you are really gone forever and I’ll never get to do so many things with you.

I love you, daddy.

I miss you.

nik

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