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i’m pretty much holding onto sand

May 5, 2004

scb’s furniture is officially for sale on craigslist. I dont like thinking of his room being dismantled and other people having a piece of our lives. I know…they are just things, but they were are things, our room, our life. I don’t want to go over to his place and be confronted with an empty room. That will be the moment when all of this feels real.

we hung out again today–didn’t do much. scb picked up some thai food and we finished watching JFK. Afterwards, we read a comic book I had (Big Book of Conspiracies) and discussed politics and the whole JFK conspiracy theory/magic bullet thing (JJ–have you seen this movie? we were interested on what you would have to say about the various security measures). scb kept checking his email, and every time he opened his inbox, he would find a million repsonses to his craigslist add. hmph. vultures. im really tempted to alter those advertisements somehow and say they are no longer for sale. but that would be evil, wouldn’t it?

somehow, scb convinced me to go to nordstroms (yet again) to pick up his tuxedo. because he has monkey arms, the shirt he originally wasnt long enough when wearing the jacket, so..9 million hours and 2 magazines later, we were finally outta that store…and scb ended up w/a bizarre tux shirt that looks like he’s going to band practice. augh. embarrassing.

we did stop at old navy for a little bit–and I got to try on a few things. my first time ever semi-shopping w/scb for stuff for me. the sad thing is that scb actually liked shopping with me. Then again, if I’m to believe Joozy, then Im like a dude and am pretty quick about the whole shopping thing. We had a shirt picked out that scb looved. I ended up not buying it b/c i was rushed for time and didnt feel like standing in line. But the most bizarre thing happened at Old Navy: this random dude came up to scb and said, “oh my, is that your girlfriend? why she’s beautiful. you are certainly a LUCKY man.” Scb responded, “yes, I think so.” Random guy continued, “you take care of her b/c she is a rare gem and a very special lady.” More of the same followed. It all ended with me doing the nervous giggle/tucking hair behind ears/shifty eyed thing, and scb and random guy shaking hands.

and while this will always be weird and random, the strange thing is that this happens semi-frequently when im with scb. I’m not saying he’s the cause of it, but its kind of that feeling you get when you’re with someone you’re getting to know, and you witness a wedding in a random setting. and its all awkward and yet sweet b/c you’re at the beginning of something and you are both witnesses to the end/beginning of another thing? (stay with me here) well, in that instance, as in this, it feels almost as if someone placed that wedding or that person there for you and him to see. For some reason, thats how it felt w/scb and the random guy–like maybe it wasnt so random after all. Like maybe running into him was kismet somehow.

like maybe he was there to reassure scb and I that we were meant to be together or something…at least for the near future…

its a stretch. but i’m pretty much holding onto sand as is.

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